Financial Fair Play

It's me again. The one that's been hosting you for the last five years. And it's just dawned on me that I have never written about myself before. I am therefore nameless on this site. The Singer, i've been referred to in the last few entries. Anyhow it's me, and we're back to normal now; not that this experiment of new voices is coming to an end, far from it; The Guitar Player is thoughtfully penning his entry as we speak and I'm particularly looking forward to hearing from a man who hasn't picked up his instrument in two years having let 'real life' get firmly in his way. But I wanted to take a little time to talk about something that has started to creep into our enterprise lately and it feels an important subject to tackle. Financial Fair Play. And many people will bristle and immediately feel uncomfortable and question why an earth we are disclosing such personal information to an enormous online reach, but this blog has been nothing if it hasn't been honest. This is How NOT to be in a Band; we're not scared to admit our downfalls, it's part of life and it's part of learning and growing up. 

I want to talk about Financial Fair Play and how we use money. Football clubs adhere to it and now, dear readers, so do The Odd Folk. Cause let me tell you something; running a band is bloody hard work; it is hours of emails and promoting yourselves and haggling prices and posting CD's to far flung places and lugging heavy speakers up your stairs. It is squeezing into small cars to save on fuel, and hiring PA's because you can't afford your own. It's packing and unpacking and trying to mix your sound levels while the DJ is playing really loud cause if he doesn't the atmosphere will die. It is endless rejection from venues and the realisation that people think that music should be free, and try as you might you just can't make a living out of this. It is being polite and courteous but retaining that mischievous air. It is being punctual and professional and presentable and yes, a tiny part of it is actually playing music and dancing around on stage enjoying yourself, and that, dear friends, is the part you see. All the stuff mentioned before is largely unseen. It goes unnoticed, often unrewarded and sometimes unacknowledged, even by your own bandmates. But it very much exists and without it we wouldn't be a band and there wouldn't be any gigs. The point I am trying to make is this; up until fairly recently none of that time consuming backstage work was ever addressed; the band would charge said amount and split it equally between however many musicians were present for the engagement. It was simple and for years nobody questioned it.

Now I run most of the administration side of things, I don't mind it and it's easier if one person is leading this. The Drummer always comes in and helps on the bigger tours. The Bass Player does all the sound work we need. We all do our bits, some more than others granted, but that is the way of the world, and sometimes too many chefs spoil the broth. The guitar player doubled for a while as the financial manager, we even opened a savings account but we were never very good at putting anything in it. And so for years we just bumbled along, living gig to gig without saving for the future like you would in real life. Cause this wasn't real life was it!? It was a sort of hobby and it almost seems like you're taking it a bit too seriously if you start banking! And besides everyone was always too skint to give over half their wage for a rainy day. That's what pensions are for!? It's all a bit grown up for us! And so we've been careless; even CD sales are shared out and we are going to get a nasty shock when we eventually make a third record, cause let me tell you, there ain't no dosh. One thousand copies of The Sweet Release have gone; sold, given away, lost, used as door stops I don't know, but they're gone. Haul Away is much younger and so hasn't been frittered away as much but still nearly half of them have gone too, meaning that almost £15,000 worth of merchandise has disappeared and there is nothing to show for it. Well obviously there is in our personal lives; we're fed and clothed, watered and well kept, bills have been covered, debts repaid, whatever the money has been put towards it's had it's use, personally, but professionally we have nothing to show for it. The money from CD sales alone should be enough to make three albums and we are going struggle to even record one track! This is How NOT to be in a Band; we have a bank account that's been empty for so long it's just been closed, our European Tour's are booked on borrowed money and built on risk. Vehicles are swapped for jars of marmalade and we can never afford breakdown cover. Money, when it comes in is shared out equally despite a massively uneven workload and all the while the kitty jar remains empty. If this can educate just one person in the pitfalls of being in a band then I will be a happy man and this will have served its purpose. 

But it's never too late to start again. So how do we go about it? And who gets what? And when? Well, understandably, with this idea in its infant stages, we haven't worked it all out yet. And I must admit it does seem a complicated breakdown; there needs to be an admin fee, and assuming we need to do our own sound then the person who does that needs something too. And the driver should get a cut. And the vehicle used for wear and tear. And then the remaining moneys need to be spilt between however many musicians are present. And really the band should take a cut too so there is something in the kitty for the next time we have to fork out our own money to drive to Cirencester and back. Of course some gigs are easy and some are hard, and usually that is reflected in the price but not always. Oh god don't go into prices! It's one thing hanging your laundry out, but let's not pin the underwear up too! Don't worry, i'll keep that under my hat. We don't have a set price anyway; every gig is different and that's what makes FFP such a hard thing to implement. Some negotiations are simple; 'Hello, we'd like to book The Odd Folk on this date, at this time and we have this much money?' to which we can reply yes or no and that's pretty much the extent of the conversation and taking a cut for that seems a little unfair. But then some negotiations are far from easy and this is where FFP needs to come in. And it usually begins with an email from Mr. Soon.to.be.wed.

- 'Hello, we're getting married this spring, can you play at our wedding?'
A little vague, but we are all about in spring, let's focus it a little.
- 'Firstly congratulations! Where and when is the big day?'
- 'It's in Devon, and it's in May!'
Are they playing hard to get or what? Be specific man!
- 'A lovely month; if you give me the date I can run it past the boys?'
- 'It's on the 21st, we'd like you to play under the wildflower arch?'
Oh god, sounds like a logistical nightmare.
- 'Sounds lovely; the quintet is £%, the quartet is £& and the trio is £$'
No reply. Perhaps we've scared him off. And then...
- 'Can we have the quintet for this much?'
I knew it.
- 'I'm afraid not, sorry.'
- 'Ok, my wife's going to freak but let's do it! Arrrghhh!'
Oh god, are we doing it!?
- 'Sounds great, i'll run it past the boys.'
I email the boys; the bass player agrees, the drummer agrees, the piano player doesn't reply. Hmmm. They wanted five. The guitar player has left the band and the accordion player is away. I phone the dep, he agrees. Back to the thread; now at 10 emails long.
- 'Hello again, we are available and all set to confirm, do you have a PA?'
- 'What's a PA?' 
I knew it. I explain a PA. They don't have one. I tell him we can hire one for this much? He tells me his wife really is going to kill him, but ok. It takes until email number 25 to establish the wildflower arch is in fact in the woods and nowhere near any power source. Email 30 and I educate him of the impracticality of getting drums in the woods. We agree to play that part acoustically. Email 38 and we are still discussing what time we can set up so we're not in anyone's way. Email 40 is about food. 42 and they have changed the times and then a day before the event they ask if we can play 'Earth Angel' by The Penguins.

Now it's these negotiations where you feel you have earned a little extra, 40 emails and trying to hire a PA and assuming the bass player will run the sound for you, thus giving him extra work with no guarantee of any extra money. Wedding prices are high for a reason; they are incredibly long days, usually with multiple requirements and rarely on your doorstep. But they are beautiful occasions; poignant, funny and we are always made to feel so welcome. 40 emails to the band, how many to the catering company and the marquee hire!? It just goes to show, if we are working for our money, they are certainly working hard to spend theirs. So hats off to all you newly weds and soon to be weds!

But where does that leave us? Does it mean we have to increase our fee, or lower our wage in order to achieve Financial Fair Play? I don't know. It's early days and I will write again and let you know how it's working. Or whether we have shelved it and returned to the rash payment plan we began with. It's always hard to talk about money, and this entry has been quite frank, some people like that, others not so much. But as well as being a band, I like to think of us as a self-help guide to others. How NOT to be in a Band. It's how this blog started and why it's so popular. Because writing about how amazing you are and how perfectly things appear isn't half as entertaining, and it isn't half as true.